The Sniper

Maybe I'm not supposed to put this out in public viewing. And maybe he'll ask me to take this down. But, I can always ask forgiveness.
This involves Jay (again) and I will try not to make every post about him. He is a funny and interesting creature, so I can't help it sometimes. Anyway, he gets home before I do on most days. I usually find him on the computer, using the toilet, rambling around, or watching tv. However, I come home this evening to find a sniper rifle set up on our dining room table. Yes, I said a S-N-I-P-E-R rifle.....on our table. And it was unloaded, just incase you were wondering.
You may be asking yourself "What the heck?" Or, if you know Jay, you maybe telling yourself "just another day." I mean, this is the same man who gave his 6 year old nephew a BB gun for Christmas this year. This may be normal is most households, but for the Jennings, there is a 3 year old and a 1 year toddling around the 6 year old, who is now a gun owner. Amy, I'm sorry.
Our window blinds were pulled half-way up and this rifle is pointing directly at the back of our neighbors house...and the house in front of them. It's sitting there so pretty...hovering over the Christmas china and the mail. Surprisingly, I have never thought to myself, "I think Jay has lost his mind." But today I did. Imagine if the UPS man had come to the door...or a friend dropped by. How do you explain this? It's like the dad in Colorado who told police his son was floating in his homemade flying disk...and he thought that was normal. Jay, apparently, thinks propping up a rifle in our dining room is normal. His explanation was that he was making sure the gun was in good condition and being taken care of...and he was testing the scope. Is there a hot chick that lives over in the next neighborhood? Is he getting a close up of our dog's noses? Is he trying to check the gender of a squirrel?
Imagine Jay when he turns 75. Ha! Ever seen Gran Torino? Yep....that will be him.
Pray for me.

New TV Adventures

We finally got a new TV!!!!! We have been using the same 1985 TV that Jay had in his house in Belton. So, we asked Santa for a new flat screen and got it a few weeks early (I guess the reindeer were conserving energy and used FedEx for this special delivery). With a new tv, we had to get a new tv stand. Now, I thought...well, we'll just wait and put this new system up after Christmas, when the Christmas tree is out of the way and there are not 30 gifts lying around the den floor. However, Jay had it in his mind to put this thing up ASAP so he could enjoy HD ESPN from his rocking chair...remote in one hand and sweet tea in the other. 
We set out one Saturday morning with the intention of getting the tv stand and Christmas shopping. We went to Target first and found the perfect tv stand. We load it up on the cart and into the Jeep (Jeep Wrangler....not much room, mind you). Jay suggests that we take the tv stand home before getting christmas gifts since there is not much room left. We get home and unload the stand, then I hear "Babe, I think I'll start putting this stand together while you go christmas shopping." This was his guilt-free way of getting out of christmas shopping, which I had looked forward to us doing together. Anyway, Jay is amazing at many things, has many talents and I admire him 100%. But, assembling furniture was a gift that God did not bless him with. He has the patience of a 2 year old and gets frustrated when the screw doesn't stay in the hole while he tries to screw it in. This stand was in about 30 different pieces....and had a large sack of screws. So, I gladly took up the chance to leave the house while he and the stand battled it out. I also thought he would be finised by the time I returned and I could enjoy our new tv and new tv stand set up, in place, and ready to go. Not so much.
I get home and Jay has the majority of the stand assembled and as I approach and offer my help, he was working on the doors (for DVDs) on the front. I noticed that the doors did not completely fit right, so I said something about it. This opened the flood gates. Here's how it went down:

Me: Babe, why don't the doors completely cover the opening. (please ignore my English)

Jay: That's how its made. See, the other one is like that too.

Me: Well, it looks retarded and we need to adjust it.

Jay: How do you suppose we do that? I have the screws in the exact spot that's on the directions.

Me: Can I try it?

Jay: No, I almost got it. Why don't you go do something else.

Me: I might can get it since my hands are smaller.

Jay: Ok, fine. You get down here and fix the door. (He stomps off to the unknown)

We got it all assembled and ready for the tv. Now we had the task of moving out the old tvand old tv stand. Our old tv was a 27 inch black beast that weighed 300 pounds and sat in a wooden tv chest that also weighed 300 pounds. Jay was creating a man cave (more to come about this later) in our back bedroom and planned on putting the old tv in there for playing the Wii and watching man movies with his man buddies. The man cave had not been started yet, so the back bedroom still contained a queen size bed and chest. Remember this.
So, we get ready to unhook our old tv set, which contains a DVD/Soundsystem, Direct TV, and lots and lots of wires. We got the TV unhooked from the sound system and Jay takes it back to the bedroom and puts in on the bed. I'm not sure how far on the bed he placed it, but within 45 seconds we heard a huge crash and a hissing sound. Here's the next 1.5 minutes:
Me: What was that?
Jay: I think it fell off the bed. Cover your mouth and don't breathe. (we head off towards the back bedroom breathing through our shirts)
Me: Dang it Jay. How in the world?
Jay: Ah shit! Where's the trash can?
Jay then heads outside to get our big trash can and parks it at the front door at the bottom of the steps. For the next 15 minutes he literally throws parts of our old tv into the can from inside the front door. I happily leave that scene and go back to try to undo all the wires. Our wires were clipped together with this mega-strength zip tie and would not cut with scissors, a pocket knife,or a steak knife. I eventually resorted to pulling wires through the zip tie one at a time. Jay returns to the living room, fuming mad, and tries to take over.
Me: Jay, don't cut the wires please.
Jay: Why don't you leave before I say something I shouldn't.
Me: Too late, you just did, faggot. (no offense to anyone, but this is my "I'm-mad-and-don't-want-to-curse-at-you" word I use when angry with him) and I try to hold back tears because I will not let him see me cry at this moment.
Jay: *Sigh.* and mumbles something I don't care to know about.
I go away and start picking up the boxes, styrofoam, and plastic from the area to make getting the new system easier to manuever.
After 20 more minutes we Jay has the old system ready to move out, pushes the old tv stand towards the back room and brings in the new tv. After another hour or so, we get the new tv connected to the Direct TV and the sound system.....all of which work correctly.
Now, it's time to relax with sweet tea, ESPN...or Military Channel.....or MTV.....or Weather Channel.....or Andy Griffith......or.....

My lesson learned - continue christmas shopping....even if it means buying crap that I will never use.

Bringing It Back

Thanks to the advice of a dear friend, I am entering back into the blogging world. Some of you may remember when Jay and I had a blog together, that was very suddenly deleted after some of Jay's coworkers (a large group of men who are tough, crass, and laden with testosterone) found out about it. It must have been the most ultimate of embarrassing moments, as he deleted every post except one, which happened to be one about me, without notifying his co-author. So, I quickly learned that he has lost interest in this hobby and this blog (which he is not even aware of yet), will be solely about my perspective on my life...which still includes Jay. We will hope that his buddies don't discover this one.
So, please enjoy the reading...when it gets here! :)